Holistic Gardner

When I talk to friends and acquaintances about therapy, I often hear these comments. Do any of them sound familiar?

As promised, here is an exercise taken from Maria Nemeth’s book, The Energy of Money. I invite you to explore this exercise in a calm and non-judgmental place, and give yourself some time just to free-associate. I’ve shortened it a bit, for space’s sake.

Your Structure of Knowing Money

On a poster-sized piece of paper, write the word “money” in the middle of the page. From there, start writing down your associations with this word. Do this by drawing lines moving outward from the word “money.” An association is any word or phrase that pops into your mind when you think of money. (This mind-mapping technique was developed by a writer named Gabriele Rico).

If you live in this society, you have some relationship to money, so this month’s topic is the dreaded MONEY ISSUE!

Do you save? Do you spend? Do you binge spend? Do you have a hard time spending money on yourself? Do you have a hard time spending money on others? Do you always think there is never enough? Where do you spend your money? Is it in line with what you value? Do you follow your money meticulously? Or do you bury your head in the sand, hoping that your account isn’t withdrawn? Just thinking about these questions makes me feel like this guy in the photo!

I was debating what to cover this month, and what repeatedly kept getting my attention was the practice of journaling.

Journaling is a great tool in conjunction with psychotherapy. Why? Because there are a lot of thoughts floating around in your head. The practice of writing them down can be very freeing as well as clarifying.

Let me be clear – journaling is not a diary of the day’s events, although it can be. It is not scrapbooking either, although there can also be that component if that’s a medium you like. Journaling is bringing focus to specific issues, thoughts, and feelings that need some space and attention.

I want to continue the discussion on faith from last month, since it seems to still be gripping me in some way. Faith is about knowing you’re not doomed by your past mistakes. I’d like to share a quote with you, “You are not punished FOR your mistakes, but BY your mistakes.”

Today I’m tackling a fascinating topic – and that is, the topic of faith. I’m not talking here about a religious or spiritual affiliation, but understanding that what you put into therapy is working on your behalf.

I bring it up because it’s easy to lose faith in the therapy process at times – healing is not linear; often things get worse before they get better; and the therapy process can seem mysterious in its ways of working. So while we’re in the midst of it all, it’s useful to cultivate a sense of hope and faith. Things will get better.

Happy New Year! I wish all of you a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2010. I know new years can be full of resolutions, goals, and new starts, but only a select few end up keeping their resolutions. Why is that?

Intellectually, we know what we want to change (our relationships, addictions, weight, etc.) but until we DO something different, all the insight in the world won’t help. Often our resolutions are unrealistic, or too myopic. Plus our feelings of worthiness – or lack thereof – often derail us.

I often get the question from potential clients, “What is holistic psychotherapy, anyway?”

My New York aunt insists that in New York, the word ‘holistic’ would not get me very far – there’s this perception that the translation of ‘holistic’ equals California crunchy-oat-bread-with-sprouts-and-avocado-eating, Birkenstocks-wearing, lefty-communist protesters… Or some such comparison. Maybe they think we’re all driving around in ‘68 VW Bugs hugging trees and singing Kumbaya.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer’s series of audio CDs “The Essence of Being in Balance,” which I found in a bargain bin recently. I had seen him on a PBS TV special, and thought he made some good points, so I went ahead, and needing a dose of balance myself, picked up the 6-CD set.

He is half  a “wise man” archetype, and half  “New Age guru.” The latter comes out when he makes emphatic points like, “I know the Universe is here to support us all,” that, even were it so, is a pretty presumptuous statement. But that annoyance aside, I was up, couldn’t sleep, and was listening.

This blog entry is about sexual abuse, especially in light of the recent Richmond High incident. There are many ways sexual abuse or molestation can manifest in both men and women. Here are some phrases to watch for that might be cause for deeper work:

- “I had sex when I was 4 with a female babysitter,” said by a male. If you’re male, and had “sex” before puberty especially by someone who was older or who had more authority, that isn’t sex – it’s abuse. As an adult, you may experience difficulty with intimacy and a tendency to sexualize your relationships.