Holistic Gardner

Happy New Year! I wish all of you a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2010. I know new years can be full of resolutions, goals, and new starts, but only a select few end up keeping their resolutions. Why is that?

Intellectually, we know what we want to change (our relationships, addictions, weight, etc.) but until we DO something different, all the insight in the world won’t help. Often our resolutions are unrealistic, or too myopic. Plus our feelings of worthiness – or lack thereof – often derail us.

The psyche communicates on different stations, like a radio.

I often get the question from potential clients, “What is holistic psychotherapy, anyway?”

My New York aunt insists that in New York, the word ‘holistic’ would not get me very far – there’s this perception that the translation of ‘holistic’ equals California crunchy-oat-bread-with-sprouts-and-avocado-eating, Birkenstocks-wearing, lefty-communist protesters… Or some such comparison. Maybe they think we’re all driving around in ‘68 VW Bugs hugging trees and singing Kumbaya.

A symptom of sexual abuse is often isolation and depression.

This blog entry is about sexual abuse, especially in light of the recent Richmond High incident. There are many ways sexual abuse or molestation can manifest in both men and women. Here are some phrases to watch for that might be cause for deeper work:

- “I had sex when I was 4 with a female babysitter,” said by a male. If you’re male, and had “sex” before puberty especially by someone who was older or who had more authority, that isn’t sex – it’s abuse. As an adult, you may experience difficulty with intimacy and a tendency to sexualize your relationships.

Gang rape in Richmond, California brings up profound questions

Last weekend, a horrific incident happened outside of a school gymnasium. Around midnight on October 25, 2009, the Richmond police department got a call from a girl whose brother-in-law heard about the rape. The police followed-up and found a half-naked fifteen year old girl, beaten and unconscious, cowered underneath a bench outside her school. She was airlifted to the hospital in critical condition.

Texas roadside attraction

Today’s topic is about expectations. Conflicting views arise – one belief is that we need expectations so that we and others are accountable. The other belief is a more Buddhist perspective about letting go of our expectations to alleviate suffering. What is the deal with expectations, anyway?

Highs and Lows

First, we must remember that having low expectations and having high expectations are still both forms of having expectations. Studies show that students whose teachers have low expectations of them perform at a lower level. Students whose teachers have high expectations of them perform at a higher level. In this regard, believing in peoples’ abilities and having high expectations of them allows them to see themselves in a positive light.

What happens when you smile just to be polite, or you say “Yes,” when you really mean “No”? Or you say you like something when the exact opposite is true?

The result is that your internal self clashes with your external behavior, and tension is what results. This tension may manifest as aches and pains in your body, or it might lead to tense thoughts, such as “I should have…” or “I wish I hadn’t…” Other implications can be extreme exhaustion, fatigue, and/or the desire to escape the tension through various substances (food, alcohol, drugs) or behavior (sex, gambling, purging).

Recently I watched Caroline Myss’ “Energetics of Healing” DVD. Myss is most known for her book Anatomy of the Spirit, and is renowned as one of the first practitioners to pull the mind, body, and spirit together and reach the masses.

In this DVD, her premise is that we have a set amount of energy coming from the Source to us everyday that is managed through energetic chakra centers. Each chakra manages a specific category of information. Good management of the chakras leads to well-being and equilibrium in your daily functioning, whereas poor management results in energy “leaks” that drain cells of life force and leave us depleted, tired, unhappy, with low self-esteem, and with unbalanced relationships. Taken to an extreme, these “leaks” lead to  illness  and disease.

Acro-yoga: strength supporting flexibility

While subbing a vinyasa yoga class a few weeks ago, I noticed that the majority of the bodies in the room fell into two categories: flexible and stiff. While this is an extreme oversimplification, being the therapist that I am, I began to draw conclusions to life off the mat, and to relationships in general. What I outline here can be seen as literal, metaphorical, and/or sexual.

The office offender

In the office there is a large, plush stuffed gray elephant. With big eyes and fuzzy white tusks, the elephant is about the size of a small toddler and is far from life-like. I’m not sure where it came from, but it showed up in the office about a year ago, and it looks like the perfect toy to put in a one-year-old’s crib. New wall hangings and furniture rearrangements are not uncommon for the office space, that which I share with two to four others.

“Healing” is a broad idea – one that can mean many different things to many different people. It can be related to physical healing, emotional healing, grief work, soul work, and much more; and can include modalities from psychotherapy to acupuncture, from massage therapy to chiropractic, from Rosen Method work to cranial-sacral therapy, and much more.

But there’s one element that all of this healing work shares – and that is the importance of the “witness observer.” One of the very first phrases my clients hear out of my mouth is, “Notice without judgment.” It is the first tool and skill people need on their healing journey. If they don’t understand what they’re doing, thinking, or feeling, it makes it hard to change.